I have this excruciatingly naïve friend. She has no interest what so ever in sex or sexuality. She doesn’t even know what ‘pussy’ means (slang word for a lady’s pretty delicate flower). So anyway, I had to choke laughter when she told me that she had named her cat ‘Pussy’. I should have told the poor girl that the name might be slightly inappropriate, but nah…it’s way too much fun to not to correct her . So everytime I visit her, I get the wonderful opportunity to make a string of vagina jokes. The best part is that she has NO IDEA what those sentences actually mean. After all, I am a pun-a-holic and an opportunist.
Following is a list of sentences that we have actually said to each other.
(1)ME: “I love stroking your pussy. She loves being rubbed, doesn’t she?”
(2)ME: “ Awww. Your pussy is so soft and warm”
(3)ME( diabolical ofcourse): “Has some one ever licked your pussy?”
HER: “ No. but I think she would like being licked.”
ME: “May be I can lick it sometime”
HER: “Ewww. Hairball!”
ME: “Not if it’s shaved….”
(4) ME: “Hey, tell me if you ever need any help with your pussy. I have this great toy that she would love playing with.”
(5) HER: “Pussy might be hungry.”
ME: “I think your pussy needs some meat. Try a beef sausage.”
(6) (While bathing the cat)
ME: “wow girl! Your pussy is soo wet right now.”
(7) ME : “How many times a day do you rub your pussy?”
Her: “ like a hundred times or something. Its hard to keep my hands off her”.
Those above conversations actually took place, sometimes with other people present. Our faces would turn from red to green to blue in an attempt to stop us from bursting into laughter. Next thing on my agenda is to convince her to buy a dog and name it ‘dick’ and buy a rooster and call it ‘cock’. MAAAN. That would give us entertainment for the entire summer.
